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-Your Mama Jokes-
*Yo mama's so fat, even Richard Simmons laughs at her!
*Yo' mama so dumb, she waited at a STOP sign until it said GO!
*Yo' mama so dumb,
she failed a pregnancy test!
*Yo mama's so dumb, she thought masturbation was a karate teacher.
*Yo Mama's so dumb, she went to a movie that said ''under 18 not admitted,'' so she left to go get 17 of
her friends.
*Yo mama is so dumb that she was on her way to the airport and saw a sign that said airport left. So she
turned around and went home.
*Your mama is so dumb when she was pulled over for drunk driving and they asked her to walked the line she
said, ''Which one?''
*Yo' mama so fat, people exercise by doing laps 'round her!
*Yo' mama so fat, she fell in love and broke it!
*Yo' mama so fat, the photographer charged her for a family photo!
*Yo' mama so fat, her beeper goes off and people think she's backing up!
*Yo' mama so fat, you use her thong as a hammock!
*Yo mama's so fat, she got busted in the airport for having 200 pounds of crack.
*Yo Mama is so fat that she got baptized at Sea World!
*Yo mama is so fat that her driver's license says, "Picture continued on other side."
-Blonde Jokes-
*Q: Why did the blonde keep taking off and putting the Pepsi bottle cap back on?
A: Because it said,
''Sorry, try again.''
*A blonde was swerving all over the road and driving very badly, so she got pulled over by a cop.
The
cop walked up to her window and asked, "Miss, why are you driving so recklessly?"
The blonde said, "I'm sorry sir, but
wherever I go, there's always a tree in front of me and I can't seem to get away from it!"
The cop looked at her and said,
"Lady, that's your air freshener!"
*There was a blonde driving down the road one day. She glanced to her right and noticed another blonde sitting
in a nearby field. She was in a boat rowing, with no water in sight. The blonde angrily pulled her car over and yelled at
the rowing blonde, What do you think you're doing? It's things like this that give us blondes a bad name. If I could swim,
I'd come out there and kick your butt!
*Three blondes were taking a walk in the country when they came upon a line of tracks. The first blonde
said, "Those must be deer tracks!"
The second blonde said, "No, stupid, anyone can tell those are rabbit tracks!"
The third blondie said, "No, you idiots, those are horse tracks!"
They where still arguing ten minutes later when a train hit them.
*Q: Why is it so hard to replace Vanna White?
A: They can't find another blonde who knows the whole
alphabet.
-Political
Jokes-
*Q: Why are they removing K-Marts out of Iraq?
A: Because their replacing them with Targets.
-Random Jokes-
*A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of
them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his
cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator, in
a calm soothing voice says: "Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a
shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: "OK, now what?"
Rodney Dangerfield
I know what day of the week you were born.
I was so poor growing up ... If I wasn't born a
boy .... I'd have
nothing to play with.
A girl phoned me the other day and said "Come on over, there's
nobody home." I went over.
Nobody was home.
During sex, my girlfriend always wants to talk to me. Just the other
night she called me from
a hotel.
One day as I came home early from work ... I saw a guy jogging naked.
I said to the guy ...
"Hey buddy, why are you doing that?" He said,
"Because you came home early."
It's been a rough day. I got up this morning ... put on a shirt and
a button fell off. I picked
up my briefcase, and the handle came off.
I'm afraid to go to the bathroom.
I was such an ugly kid .... When I played in the sandbox the cat kept
covering me up.
I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and
a radio.
I was such an ugly baby ... My mother never breast fed me. She told
me that she only liked
me as a friend.
I'm so ugly ... My father carries around the picture of the kid who
came with his wallet.
When I was born ... the doctor came out to the waiting room and said
to my father ... I'm
very sorry .... We did everything we could ...
But he pulled through.
I'm so ugly ... My mother had morning sickness ... AFTER I was born.
I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger
to my father. He said
he wanted more proof.
Once when I was lost ... I saw a policeman, and asked him to help me
find my parents. I said
to him ... "Do you think we'll ever find them?
He said, "I don't know kid ... there are so many places they can hide."
My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday.
I'm so ugly ... I worked in a pet shop, and people kept asking how
big I'd get.
I went to see my doctor. "Doctor, every morning when I get up and
look in the mirror ... I
feel like throwing up. What's wrong with me?"
He said "I don't know but your eyesight is perfect."
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